Even Jesus felt abandoned.....

Today is Palm Sunday...April 5, 2009.
Today is the marking of Jesus going into Jerusalem, celebrated.
Today marks the ending of His life, the beginning of MY eternal life!

How quickly one week can make a difference. One day He is being celebrated, and four short days He is being crucified.
I know in my life, one week can make a difference too. A week can sometimes be a lifetime, a week sometimes can be over in a blink of an eye. I find myself wondering what kind of week this was for Jesus.

We know that it is said in the bible that Jesus began to be distressed and troubled. "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death" Mark 14:34
How often do we feel overwhelmed with sorrow, how quickly we can go in one week from sorrow, to feeling refreshed. Thank you God for your love. It's as simple as that, God's love, sharing his yoke and not our own, it's such a feeling of refreshment.

Today at Church we heard about the human part of Jesus. In Mark 15:34 "And at the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice 'Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?'-which means 'My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?' " it furthers goes on to say in Mark 15:37 'With a loud cry, Jesus breathed his last breath.'
He CRIED OUT! He felt FORSAKEN by God, even Jesus felt abandoned! You have no idea how much closer I felt to the Lord today, knowing this. I've read that passage before, but never put into personal context.

Why does Jesus feeling abandoned at one point have such an impact on me? Well because I now know that He knows what is hidden deep in my heart personally. I know that He has experienced it as well, and with that simple sentence years of doubt, years of questions have melted away.
One of the questions, or not so much a question, but a block if you will, is deep in my heart, I've had the thought of "it's only a matter of time before I screw up so bad, that You'll leave me too"
I have a deep battle of abandonment. No I wasn't left on the streets, no I wasn't what most of us think in a traditional sense of abandonment left at the alter type of thing. My abandonment issue was "if my family can forget about me so easily, if they can turn away from me and only remember me from time to time, what makes me think YOU will stick around?"
Now before I go any further, I need to explain...One there is a 2,500 mile difference in our locations AND communication IS a two way street! I take my share of the blame for lack of relationship, this I know and this I ask for forgiveness on.
However, this has been going on since I was a child, but only as an adult have I seen the impact of it on me and the relationships I have around me. One thought that I have thought, or should I say an attitude I've had is "I know your going to leave me, so I'll sabotage this relationship before you have a chance to choose to leave me...because in the end, everyone leaves" I have even had this attitude with Christ....Let's see if YOU are going to stick around too. It's also a reason I'm so fiercely protective of my daughters relationships with their fathers. I never want them to feel like they have been abandoned in ANY way! It's why I for so long have fought completely letting go and letting my self love and be loved, not just by people, but by the Lord.
So, now, with this simple sentence, I can let myself go and know with all of my heart and all of my soul, that my Lord will never leave nor forsake me. I KNOW I can TRUST HIM to always be there, I may not always feel His presence, but I know I will never be abandoned again. I also know that when those feelings of abandonment start creeping in, all I have to do is turn to the Lord in pray and know He knows EXACTLY how I'm feeling!! I know I'll never be alone again.