Hell is disguised as a three year olds room!!

I officially have discovered hell today...it's disguised as my three year olds room!
I honestly felt the heat and heard something growl at me in it!!!!!! The horrors that I've seen. The things I have smelled. The little pieces of toys that consumed this nightmare...I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight!!!!

It started off simple enough....her room looked like a bomb went off in it...I mean a BIG bomb! The more I avoided it the worst it got...the toys were multiplying by the day, I think!
So with a strong resolution and LOTS of coffee in my system...I braved it. I entered the domain of a three year old, the land that no man enters, the land of plastic food, the land of baby dolls, the land of Tinkerbell cards, the land of....well you get where I'm going with this...haha!
Now Mikayla is a "helper"...with her kind of help, trust me, you don't need any hindrances. She is also a nagger...something she DID NOT get from me! I usually get to avoid the nagging...she saves it for Patrick...poor guy. (insert evil laugh) HOWEVER today...she turned her attention to ME! And I'm also asking myself...if she could do what she is telling me to do....her room would be freakin SPOTLESS!!!
So here is some of the conversations that I had to endure, yes endure, as I'm suffering in her room.

"Mommy what you doin? Cleaning your room sweetie. Why? Cause it's a mess. Oh I messy. Yes you are. You need to clean up my room more. No, you need to pick your stuff up, and put it away when your done. No, I don't. Excuse me? I like to watch you clean. Go PLAY MIKAYLA!!!!!!! Okay mommy!"

Ten minutes later and about 10 piles of CRAP later...she returns....I'll help you mommy. No that's okay sweetie, I've got it. PWEEEESSSSEEEEEEEEE!!! Okay, go get your block container and lets put your blocks in it. (leaves the room for 30 seconds) I CAAAAANNNNNNNNNTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!(yes it was that drawn out) It's too big for me to carry. You carry it all over the house you can do it now. No I don't want to, you need to go get it. (this child may not see the age of four!) What about my babies? I want my babies. Wait Mikayla we need to find the clothes for them. But but I wanna pway with my babies. Mikayla GO PLAY!!!!!!!!!

So I continue organizing....cause if I'm going to do this it's getting organized too!!! We have plies everywhere....piles of baby stuff, piles of art stuff, piles of kitchen stuff....let's start with the kitchen....I have a sneaking suspicion that "play food" isn't the ONLY food that has been in the play kitchen, cause as I get closer to the kitchen....I sense an "odor", but I continue on...eyeballing the kitchen and avoiding it like the plague...like I said...I'm discovering hell right now...I get the plastic food and all of the supplies in the appropriate containers...go get a wet rag (why do I have to clean my kitchen AND my daughters???) wipe down the out side, definitely smelling something now...open up the "cabinets" start putting stuff away...dejavue is consuming me...but so far so good. Get the dishes put away...seriously WHY?..go to the "refrigerator"...start taking stuff out...I SWEAR something growls at me!!!! The smell hits me like a ton of bricks....in the back of her refrigerator is not only a BLOCK OF CHEESE, but also a cup of milk and a gogurt!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!! I'M GOING TO BEAT THIS CHILD!!!!(as soon as I throw up that is)
So I take a deep breath........MIKAYLA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hear this pitter patter of little feet running down the hall....yeah mommy? WHAT IS THIS???? Oh I sowwy mommy. WHY do you have this stuff in here? cause I needed it. You can't put real food in your kitchen. But but I need it. Why do you need it (I know my daughter, this IS going to be good) She actually is thinking carefully about her answer (oh wow she's heard me when I've told the older two to think before you speak) Yeah right!
I need the cheese for the monster under the house. WHAT???? It makes the monster happy. What monster? See (she's pointing to her vent...Oh Dear Lord help me!) Something smells awful mommy. Yeah it does, but what monster...and on cue..the sump pump goes off. That monster! If I put the cheese in there the monster can eat it. Why would you think cheese would make a monster happy? Daddy. Daddy? When Daddy's tummy is growling and he eats some cheese his tummy monster stops growling. (Oh it's so hard to keep a straight face right now!) Oh but honey daddy's tummy is not the same, his tummy growls cause he's hungry. I know mommy, I feed the monster to make him not hungry, he's happy when he eats...daddy would be happy to if you fed him more. (Seriously...I'm going to start drinking!!!!!!!!!)
Okay...so the gogurt? I don't know. You don't know how it got there? No. Sam put it in there. Sam didn't put the gogurt in your fridge. Okay mommy. Mikayla WHY is there a gogurt in your kitchen. (she's thinking again...this time I actually get the finger on the chin as she looks away and thinks....WHERE IS THE VODKA!!) I need it to fix a salad. You need it to fix a salad? Yeah. I stir it up with the salad stuff...see, and then trys to put the gogurt on a lettuce piece...STOP!!!! Mikayla you have to pretend to have stuff on your salad. It's yucky to put real food in your kitchen. Okay mommy. Mikyala. Yeah mommy. Why is there a cup of milk in there too? Cause I can find it when I'm thirsty. THAT she gives me a simple answer for???? Which thankfully it's a cup that I had given her this morning...so it wasn't bad...yet!
So let's move on to the art stuff!!! Not only do none of her Color Wonder markers have the caps on, but the makers of them are LIARS!!!!!!!!!! They may not leave color on the walls, but they do leave streaks on the walls!!!! Looks like it's time to paint!!! So as I'm picking up the TEN MILLION tiny pieces of paper off of the floor, I see that some of them are not coming up. What the heck! I investigate...these pieces of paper are actually STICKERS!!!!!! Stickers STUCK to my floors....not just regular floors, but REAL HARDWOOD floors!!!!!!!!
MIKAYLA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Again the pitter patter of running feet....Yeah mommy. Did you put your stickers on the floors? Yep isn't it pretty? Yes Mikayla, they are pretty stickers, but you can't put stickers on the floor. Why mommy. Cause it they will stick to the floor. But mommy that's why they are called stickers!
Okay...I'm DONE!!!Time for a nap for you and I'm going to go hide in a corner and drink something!!!!

Well, I got the room cleaned, nice and organized. Mikayla did not get beaten, and I stayed sober, but I've decided that I'm going to go on strike this weekend....once you've been to hell and back, you deserve a break...don't ya think????
So now for the rest of the night, and maybe in to the weekend, you will be able to find me in a fetal position, rocking back and forth, trying to get the sights that I have seen, the horrors that I've faced, the hell that once was my daughters VERY unorganized room out of my head!!!!

Have a great weekend....send help!!! LOL!